Thomas Troward, one of the members in my ‘old, dead guys club’, a mentor, writes about the laws of the universe and Nature and how you can apply those to your thinking. One law in particular is the law of growth. He writes about the plants, and trees, specifically the huge sequoias and how they all, including many generations over time, come from a small seed.

He explains that thoughts and ideas are just like seeds in the physical world and when they are planted in great soil, watered, and fertilized, they can grow exponentially.

I’ve found, after coaching hundreds of people, that there are three choices you can do with an idea:

• Force it to happen: usually by hurrying, worrying, overworking yourself, or MAKING it happen
• Give up hope that it will happen- dismissing the idea right away or letting someone influence you NOT to do something with that idea
• Watering that idea with an intentional and persistent thought process.

Guess which client usually sees better...

My good friend, Carl, asked me two questions the other day and it really got me thinking. So, instead of just answering him, I thought I would answer for all of us. Here are the two questions:

• Have you always had an appetite for success?
• What would you tell people with no hunger for success?

Appetite For Success

Have I always had an appetite for success? The short answer: No! I wasn’t raised in an environment that encouraged dreaming or shoed a picture of success. When I was in high school a teacher asked me where I was going to college and I told him, “Nowhere. Why would I go to college?” He was flabbergasted! He couldn’t understand; it just wasn’t in my awareness.

I thought success meant finishing college. Then I thought it was getting married and having children. Then I thought it was getting a good job that paid well. Then I had a stroke and it completely changed my life! I reevaluated everything and started my own business as a speaker and...

Our definition of success changes over time. For example, an infant grasping a toy, a child learning to ride a bike, or a teenage making the basketball team. But somewhere along the line, we start defining success by what other people, outside us, are doing. Keeping up with the Jones’s!

 Why?

I think there are three main reasons:

• We tend to think someone outside us that has a result we want KNOWS more than we do, so we seek their help. When, in reality, we KNOW what we need to do, we just don’t do it!
• The fear of criticism- what will other people say? What does that matter?
• Fear of Failure- what if I’m wrong? Do you think the baby reaching for a toy or the child learning to ride a bike ever make a mistake? Of course- mistakes are part of the process!

What would your life be like if you could reach the end of the day and say, without a doubt, I reached my definition of success today?

What about your people: your kids, significant other, boss, team members,...

I’ve coached hundreds of leaders over the last five years and one thing they all have in common is that their problem is usually related to fear. One of these:

• Criticism- the fear of what ‘they’ will say
• Failure- what if I do it ‘wrong’?
• Success- what if I do it ‘right’- how will my life change?
• Loss- of freedom, control, my job, etc.

Every time, we delve deeper, we find there is a story attached to that fear. Either something they’ve experienced in the past or something they’ve made up in their mind. The story runs the show.

Not logic.

Not reason.

Not systems or processes.

Their STORY!

So, what’s the fix? We try to get their conscious brain (the awake, aware, alert part) to focus on a new positive image of what they want to happen while allowing their subconscious brain (the auto-pilot) to get you to your goal. Change the story, change the result!

Try it! If you’d like help, just let me know!

[email protected]

Our sub-conscious brain has a pattern for success and a pattern for failure. Sometimes we frustrate our success mechanism with tension, anxiety, and overwhelm.

“I’ve gotta make this sale!”

“I need them to finish this deadline!”

“I have to do well in this presentation!”

We tell ourselves stories about the negative results we’ll get if we fail and turn, what should be an innocent situation, into a life or death decision. This freaks our brains out a bit! No wonder you don’t get the result you want!

After working with dozens of coaching clients helping them increase sales, lead their teams well, and perform in front of small and large audiences, I can tell you there are three things that commonly ‘fix’ the too much tension problem:

• RELAX: let your brain off the hook, give it a break, take a walk or do some breathing exercises
• PAUSE: pausing several times a day never hurt anybody! Practice gratitude for all you have.
• ...

"If every time a child comes up with an opinion he is squelched and put in his place, he learns that it is 'right' for him to be a nobody, and 'wrong' to be a somebody." Maltz

Many parents, teachers, and coaches understand this idea and try to encourage children whenever they can. Great leaders also use this principle with adults.

What if you replaced the word ‘child’ in this quote with the spouse? Co-worker? Team member? Employee?

This week I talked to several coaching clients and they all referenced really bad meetings. One of them told a story about the leader who discounted everyone’s idea at the table because it wasn’t his. Have you ever experienced that? Or perhaps you’re having a conversation with someone on social media or a friend over coffee. It doesn’t feel good to have your idea invalidated, does it?

How you handle someone else’s opinion or idea goes a long way toward successful leadership and it is imperative to get the results...

"Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen." Epictitus

How can one person put up with an extreme amount of pressure from their circumstances and conditions and perform rather well at work and another person breaks down under the smallest amount of pressure?

Obviously, it’s not the circumstances they are in that make the difference. What is it?!?

Their attitude and opinion about what’s happening!

Do you ever take time to listen to your people about their thoughts, feelings, values, opinions, or beliefs surrounding the work you do? Do you know what they’re thinking and feeling in relation to the pandemic and all it’s tangential struggles? If you didn’t answer a wholehearted YES to those two questions, it might be time to backtrack a bit.

Successful leaders take time to listen, understand, and empathize IN ORDER TO move the person and the work forward. If you don’t listen, understand and...

"You must have a clear mental picture of the correct thing before you can do it successfully." Alex Morrison (expert golf teacher)

Morrison, widely known as the most successful golf teacher during his time developed a system of using the imagination to get what you say you want out of your golf game.

Rather than focus on skill development, which I’m sure he did at some point, he explained that the best use of the golfer’s time was to develop a clear mental picture of the correct thing FIRST. When you think about how the club feels in your hands after an amazing swing, where the ball goes on the green, and how you feel after an amazing time on the course, you download a program into your mind about how to be successful.

If you focus your thinking on HOW to swing, HOW to get the ball down the lane, and HOW to finish under par, you won’t be as successful.

So, how does this apply to leadership?

You spend your time wither thinking about what you don’t want or what...

“If you can remember, worry, or tie your shoe, you can succeed.” Maxwell Maltz

The way we view ourselves guides our thinking, behavior, and success. If we see ourselves as confident and capable, we will be. If we see ourselves as less than or disempowered, we will be.

Maxwell Maltz, in his book Psycho-cybernetics, describes the success mechanism we all have access to our brain and mind. When we download programs for success into our subconscious brain, much like you would software into a computer, you head toward success. How does one do this?

• Learning, practicing, and experiencing new ways of thinking,
• Using your imagination for positive growth, and
• Acting in order to move forward, despite your circumstances.

If you can spend time thinking about all the things that can go wrong, you can spend time thinking about all the things that would go right!

If you’re not getting the results you want in any area of your life, it might be time to ask yourself this question:...