Leaders Listen

“Leaders listen.” Simon Sinek

When I started as a school administrator, I hate to say it, but I rarely listened – truly listened- to anyone. I was so caught up in my own world of deadlines, metrics, and demands to notice someone else’s need. Over the years, with lots of training and experience, I’ve gradually learned how to connect with others more effectively. I also learned that when you connect will you get the results you’re looking for- almost as if it’s not any work at all!

I’ve learned a few tips about WHAT to listen to that I’d like to share with you:

• WORDS: listen to the kinds of words they use for clues about how they experience their world. For example, do they say, “I see now..” or “I noticed…”, if so, they may be a visual learner. If they say, “I was walking the other day and….” Or “I moved across the room…” they may be a kinesthetic learner. This gives you clues about them and how they relate to the world.
• FEELINGS: don’t get caught up in their feelings or take them on as your own, but notice them, because they point to some sort of attachment. For example, if you’re talking about making a change to your team and one member shows lots of anger, it could be out of insecurity or they don’t like change. That will tell you a lot about how to relate to them later when their feelings die down. They aren’t just being a ‘jerk’, their feelings are always attached to a belief.
• VALUES: listen beyond their words to the values they are talking about. This helps you know what’s important to them and how to align what you want to do with what they want to do. For example, if you know your team members values being on time, make sure you are ALWAYS on time with them. This builds your credibility and rapport.

After listening to my coaching clients, I’ve identified several significant challenges to this kind of listening that you need to be aware of:

• Be quiet- this requires you to pause and stop talking, that might be hard for some of you
• Value listening- if you don’t see the value in doing this, don’t do it- you’ll just hurt your people more
• Quiet your inner voice- you know that voice that tries to figure out how to respond to someone before they’re finished talking? Quiet that voice and invite your curiosity to the show!
• Increase your understanding and compassion- when someone comes to talk to you, usually it’s about THEM and what they need. Very rarely is it about YOU and what you need. Knowing this, how can you listen with compassion and serve them, while moving them forward in the work? As a leader, very few things are ever about you anymore- get used to it!

What’s your listening plan? What’s your intentional plan to grow? How will you be held accountable for your plan? Can you trust yourself to be on your own with your plan? If you’d like to learn with others about building relationships, increasing connecting skills, and valuing people, join us in the Empowered Leaders Membership Group. If you sign up by 11:59 pm on 7/31, you’ll receive these bonuses:

• A complimentary DISC personality report that shows you how you prefer to communicate AND gives you tips on how to communicate with others that might connect differently than you. ($99 value)
• A 30-minute coaching call with me to talk about your report and how to flex your style to listen and connect better. ($60 value)
• An EBook on how to communicate, collaborate, and connect with anyone! ($11 Value)
• Sign up yourself OR if you’re already in the group, refer a friend who signs up and receive this package ($170 value) for FREE.

We’d love to have you! Empowered Leaders Group