This post is a follow-up from yesterday as I had a few people reach out for clarification. These questions really centered around how you deal with anger with people outside the workplace, specifically people you know very well and even live with. Let me put it into MY personal perspective and tell you a story!

Recently, my husband and I had a bit of a problem. I won’t tell you exactly the problem but rest assured it was one of those marriage problems that ends up in loud talking and recognizing the same patterns over and over again. Let’s just say, I was very angry!

Now, in the past when this pattern happened, I would hold it in and not try to make a scene- let’s just keep everyone happy. Until…. I would BLOW UP! That didn’t work out too well for either of us or our kids.

“Working steam is not heard. It’s the escaping steam within which makes a great noise.” James Allen

So, I decided I didn’t want to do what I’ve always done and get the same result I’ve always gotten. I chose diff...

“Leaders listen.” Simon Sinek

When I started as a school administrator, I hate to say it, but I rarely listened – truly listened- to anyone. I was so caught up in my own world of deadlines, metrics, and demands to notice someone else’s need. Over the years, with lots of training and experience, I’ve gradually learned how to connect with others more effectively. I also learned that when you connect will you get the results you’re looking for- almost as if it’s not any work at all!

I’ve learned a few tips about WHAT to listen to that I’d like to share with you:

• WORDS: listen to the kinds of words they use for clues about how they experience their world. For example, do they say, “I see now..” or “I noticed…”, if so, they may be a visual learner. If they say, “I was walking the other day and….” Or “I moved across the room…” they may be a kinesthetic learner. This gives you clues about them and how they relate to the world.
• FEELINGS: don’t get caught up in their feelings or take them
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"Healthy images don't bruise easily. If you're hurt, check your self-image."

As a leader myself, I’ve struggled with hurt feelings and haters, even people on my team. It’s a natural part of leadership. Not everyone will like you or the decisions you make. So, you need to decide how you’re going to deal with that rather than pretend it doesn’t happen or hope it won’t happen to you.

Many young leaders I talk to jump into their position for some piece of glory, adoration, or perk.

Then they find themselves in a mess. But don’t’ lose hope!

WHEN we’re hurt, it tells us there’s something inside us, our thinking, that we can work on. I have three ‘magic’ questions I ask myself and my coaching clients:

• WHY does this bother me?
• WHAT does this say about me?
• What do I WANT to do wit this?

Whether you have a client/customer yell at you, an employee argue with you, or a friend betray you and talk bad about you, if you use these 3 questions to get to know YOU in the process, you’ll be be...