Your people crave a dependable, non-emotional leader.

It’s sometimes difficult to regulate emotions and respond with choice, rather than react with reflex. Our body regulates our temperature and does not take on the climate of the environment around it. If it’s 110 degrees or 25 degrees outside, for the most part, our body temperature stays at 98.6.

How can we regulate our emotional thermostat to remain that steady?

• RELAX: take regular times of relaxation. Maybe a 5-minute meditation break or a 20-minute walk at lunch; something to give your nervous system a break.
• PLAY WITH PERCEPTION: realize that 5 people could participate in the same experience and have a wildly different perspective about what happened. Rarely will you ever find someone who fully agrees with your perception and vice versa? Let this be okay!
• LIMIT DRAMA IN YOUR OWN HEAD: don’t let your thoughts wander away from you into a negative story. If you make a mistake, spend that time thinking about...

"Healthy images don't bruise easily. If you're hurt, check your self-image."

As a leader myself, I’ve struggled with hurt feelings and haters, even people on my team. It’s a natural part of leadership. Not everyone will like you or the decisions you make. So, you need to decide how you’re going to deal with that rather than pretend it doesn’t happen or hope it won’t happen to you.

Many young leaders I talk to jump into their position for some piece of glory, adoration, or perk.

Then they find themselves in a mess. But don’t’ lose hope!

WHEN we’re hurt, it tells us there’s something inside us, our thinking, that we can work on. I have three ‘magic’ questions I ask myself and my coaching clients:

• WHY does this bother me?
• WHAT does this say about me?
• What do I WANT to do wit this?

Whether you have a client/customer yell at you, an employee argue with you, or a friend betray you and talk bad about you, if you use these...

"Give up grudges as you would a gangrenous arm!" Maltz

Leaders need to learn how to deal with emotional injuries, not just have a ‘thick skin’. Ignoring injuries causes great damage. Just as an internal bodily infection can kill you if left untreated, internal emotional damage can kill your ability to lead and impact others.

These ideas have helped me the most:

• People are doing the best they can with what they know and have
• They cannot export what they don’t know (choice is a function of awareness)
• They are unaware of the effects their words and deeds have on others, especially me

John Maxwell, my friend, mentor, and business partner often teaches that the whole world, with one tiny exception, is made up of other people, so don’t put so much emphasis on that one tiny exception- you! Your people don’t necessarily know how to serve others. Be their model.

Grudges injure you and your ability to influence (i.e. lead).

If I had more time, I’ve shared...

Depends on the mistake!

Is it a relationship mistake, such as not keeping a promise you made to an employee? Check, done that!

Is it a production mistake, such as failing to meet a deadline? Check, done that!

Is it an empowerment mistake, as in you came into the conversation a little too bossy, rather than helpful? Check, done that!

So, what do you do when you make one of these mistakes? There are 5 steps of moving forward:

• Acknowledge your mistake: don’t ignore it, acknowledging is half the battle!
• Take steps to fix it right away if you’ve hurt someone in a physical or emotional way
• Apologize for your mistake: be real and honest with yourself and others
• What’s the REAL problem? The mistake isn’t the real problem! Your thinking that leads TO the mistake is the problem! (do you need to change a system or process, do you need some self-care or personal development time, do you need to change your thinking, or build a skill set?)
• Forgive yourself! You are...

If you’re like most people, you tend to have a hate/hate relationship with your mistakes, flaws, and screw-ups. You might even blame, shame, or judge yourself by them. The problem is that we get stuck when we do this. And our people do, too!

When we show our flaws and admit our mistakes, it takes the sting out of that self-judgment.

It also gives permission to your team that mistakes are okay and even welcome. Do we give others permission, by our example, to show their flaws, or do we model hiding them?

What would your workplace look like if your people could admit when they failed and find the help they need to move forward?

What would happen to your metrics if people didn’t hide their mistakes?

How could your team grow together if they knew it was safe to say, “I’m sorry”?

If you, like me, can imagine many of your workplace dramas disappearing and a kind of utopia setting in, you might be right! Your people take their cues from you. Be the change you...

"The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions." Robert Louis Stevenson

I’ve talked with dozens of leaders throughout this pandemic and there seem to be three types. Which one are you?

• Stressed: the overwhelmed and overworked, the leader who doesn’t know what to do and struggles making decisions
• Blessed: the leader who says everything is just fine, yet their actions aren’t aligned with that belief
• Resourced: the leader who has a right assessment of what’s happening, makes quick decisions, and does the best they can to serve their people

Which one are you? Which one would you like to be? What’s the difference between these leaders?

Only one difference: their attitude!

We can choose our attitude at any time. If we choose to be happy, regardless of our circumstances, we give of a different ‘vibe’ that our people feel and follow.

Happiness is a present tense word. Don’t wait...

"Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen." Epictitus

How can one person put up with an extreme amount of pressure from their circumstances and conditions and perform rather well at work and another person breaks down under the smallest amount of pressure?

Obviously, it’s not the circumstances they are in that make the difference. What is it?!?

Their attitude and opinion about what’s happening!

Do you ever take time to listen to your people about their thoughts, feelings, values, opinions, or beliefs surrounding the work you do? Do you know what they’re thinking and feeling in relation to the pandemic and all it’s tangential struggles? If you didn’t answer a wholehearted YES to those two questions, it might be time to backtrack a bit.

Successful leaders take time to listen, understand, and empathize IN ORDER TO move the person and the work forward. If you don’t listen, understand and...

I’ve talked to a lot of worried leaders this week! One thing they all have in common: the re-decision/worry cycle. You make a decision and then worry about how it will turn out, thereby infecting all those around you with negative energy. And then you wonder why it doesn’t go well. Clearly, you just didn’t worry enough!

OR…

“When once a decision is reached and execution is the order of the day, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome.” William James

Release yourself from ‘making’ something happen. Decide and let your people and systems do their thing. You worrying one iota won’t make something happen!

“Do your worrying after you place your bet, not after the wheel starts turning.” Maxwell Maltz

Know when to be concerned- before the decision- and when to let the plan play out. Do this and your people will thank you!

"Every human being is hypnotized by ideas he has uncritically accepted from others or ideas he has repeated to himself or convinced himself are true." Maltz

“EVERY” means me. You, Your team. Your family members, Every.

I’ve had many conversations with leaders this week about their frustrations with the people they are leading. It all boils down to this quote. We are all hypnotized, meaning we don’t know what we don’t know. And your people are no different!

What do you do if someone you’re influencing isn’t aware of something- they’ve been hypnotized by past or present beliefs?

• Check yourself and see if there’s something you may no be aware of first,
• Recognize that if it’s an awareness issue, you probably won’t be able to change their mind,
• Save your breath! Nobody likes free advice, especially an unaware person, and
• Limit your exposure to their negative attitude as much as possible.

Look, I know this is difficult- I...

"When the will and the imagination are in conflict, the imagination invariably wins every day," Emile Coue

There are lots of ‘coaches’ our there today that yell and tell. They tote the use of will power and force through ‘hard work’ and ‘discipline’ and ‘sacrifice’. They yell, “Follow my system no matter how hard it is!”

But the research and science don’t prove that to be true. When you experience resistance, you get more of the thing you’re resisting. Worry is a great example.

If you try not to worry, you just worry about worrying!

What if you could change the ‘HAVE TO’ that your ‘coach’ yells at you about into a “WANT TO’ that you never have to force again? Acceptance, excitement, imagination, and motivation all yield more power to get you your results than working 100 hours a week and following someone else’s ‘system’.

Stop using will power and start using...