"Our imagination is responsible for our misery."

Over the years, I’ve become a passionate student of the mind, brain, and thinking.

One thing I’ve learned and put into practice for myself and my coaching clients is how we use our imagination, specifically the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. The stories we hold determine our results!

The story you tell yourself about whether you are capable and ready for that new job determines whether you get the job.

The story you tell yourself about whether you are good at math, or techy, or a great housecleaner, determine your life.

The story a leader tells themselves about being lonely in their position or having other people around to help is a blessing, largely determines not only their behavior but their team’s effectiveness.

The only difference between the result you want and the one you have is the story you tell yourself.

Become acquainted with your stories! Get to know your inner mind more than reading books...

"Great living starts with a picture, held in your imagination, of what you would like to do or be." Dr. E. Fosdik

The same holds true for teams!

I’ve had the honor and privilege of working with dozens of teams over the years, in strategic planning, meeting design, as thinking partners, and for goal setting. The one thing I find most helpful, not just in the meetings, but towards overall effectiveness, is to get the team to visualize their goals together.

We use a five-step approach:

• Write out the problem- all the details and emotions that go along with it
• Write out past successes- what helped you: tools, resources, thinking patterns
• How can you apply what you found in step 2 to the current problem?
• Spend time picturing what life looks like when you complete your goal
• Make your plan for NEXT steps and measurements of success

While this might be different than some of the other change processes that most of my clients have done in the past, it works! It works every...

I heard this question from my teenager the other day about the household chores and it reminded me of the coaching client I had last month and the leader I talked to a few weeks ago- they all asked the same question. In a nutshell, the answer is yes and no!

"At the root of every success is some form of well-directed energy." James Allen

James Allen said success requires well-directed energy. The energy part requires a bit of work. The well-directed part requires thought. When you combine thought (systems, processes, WHY) and energy, it doesn’t take as much work.

I’ve seen leaders trying to do everything because they never stopped to think first. Or they’ve convinced themselves delegation is a dirty word. So the job is ten times harder than it needs to be.

I’ve also watched as leaders put a great deal of thought into the plan before the work and it seems to fly by as if by magic. They seem to not need energy or effort to make any of it happen.

I guess the real...

I heard this statement from a coaching client the other day. I completely understand where he is coming from, however, I have to disagree a bit.

Let’s say your job as the leader or boss is to make sure everyone shows up to work on time, do their tasks, and generally get along with their team members, maybe attend the staff meetings and every once in a while you want them to give you a good idea about the work. Sound fair?

As Maxwell Maltz says, "All your actions, feelings, behaviors, and abilities align with your self-image."

All those things on the above list you want your people to do must align with their self-image. Maybe you have an employee that sees themselves as a failure and that influences their work. Maybe another person shies away from crowds and never comes to those meetings.

Our tendency as bosses is to take corrective action and say something like, “Just do your job!” And in a perfect world, that would work!

However… in reality, their...

Our definition of success changes over time. For example, an infant grasping a toy, a child learning to ride a bike, or a teenage making the basketball team. But somewhere along the line, we start defining success by what other people, outside us, are doing. Keeping up with the Jones’s!

 Why?

I think there are three main reasons:

• We tend to think someone outside us that has a result we want KNOWS more than we do, so we seek their help. When, in reality, we KNOW what we need to do, we just don’t do it!
• The fear of criticism- what will other people say? What does that matter?
• Fear of Failure- what if I’m wrong? Do you think the baby reaching for a toy or the child learning to ride a bike ever make a mistake? Of course- mistakes are part of the process!

What would your life be like if you could reach the end of the day and say, without a doubt, I reached my definition of success today?

What about your people: your kids, significant other, boss, team members,...

Creatives live longer. Michaelangelo was still working at 80, Gothe wrote FAUST at 80, Edison invented things into his 90’s, and Picasso was painting well after the age of 85.

Then why, when I talk to leaders, they are ‘done’ and stressed and overwhelmed at younger and younger ages? Why do some leaders believe the ‘job’ has to be stressful?

Sure, systems, processes, and building a team really helps but the belief is the real problem.

Are you excited about your work and your team? Do you believe your job has to be difficult? What would it be like if it didn’t have to be hard?

Creative people believe in play, having fun, and exploring. They tend to live longer and enjoy life better because of their belief that life doesn’t have to be difficult.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to just live longer, I want every day to be better than the last.

Take an honest assessment of your beliefs. Where do you stand? Are you an old...

I’ve coached hundreds of leaders over the last five years and one thing they all have in common is that their problem is usually related to fear. One of these:

• Criticism- the fear of what ‘they’ will say
• Failure- what if I do it ‘wrong’?
• Success- what if I do it ‘right’- how will my life change?
• Loss- of freedom, control, my job, etc.

Every time, we delve deeper, we find there is a story attached to that fear. Either something they’ve experienced in the past or something they’ve made up in their mind. The story runs the show.

Not logic.

Not reason.

Not systems or processes.

Their STORY!

So, what’s the fix? We try to get their conscious brain (the awake, aware, alert part) to focus on a new positive image of what they want to happen while allowing their subconscious brain (the auto-pilot) to get you to your goal. Change the story, change the result!

Try it! If you’d like help, just let me know!

[email protected]

Our sub-conscious brain has a pattern for success and a pattern for failure. Sometimes we frustrate our success mechanism with tension, anxiety, and overwhelm.

“I’ve gotta make this sale!”

“I need them to finish this deadline!”

“I have to do well in this presentation!”

We tell ourselves stories about the negative results we’ll get if we fail and turn, what should be an innocent situation, into a life or death decision. This freaks our brains out a bit! No wonder you don’t get the result you want!

After working with dozens of coaching clients helping them increase sales, lead their teams well, and perform in front of small and large audiences, I can tell you there are three things that commonly ‘fix’ the too much tension problem:

• RELAX: let your brain off the hook, give it a break, take a walk or do some breathing exercises
• PAUSE: pausing several times a day never hurt anybody! Practice gratitude for all you have.
• ...

Your people crave a dependable, non-emotional leader.

It’s sometimes difficult to regulate emotions and respond with choice, rather than react with reflex. Our body regulates our temperature and does not take on the climate of the environment around it. If it’s 110 degrees or 25 degrees outside, for the most part, our body temperature stays at 98.6.

How can we regulate our emotional thermostat to remain that steady?

• RELAX: take regular times of relaxation. Maybe a 5-minute meditation break or a 20-minute walk at lunch; something to give your nervous system a break.
• PLAY WITH PERCEPTION: realize that 5 people could participate in the same experience and have a wildly different perspective about what happened. Rarely will you ever find someone who fully agrees with your perception and vice versa? Let this be okay!
• LIMIT DRAMA IN YOUR OWN HEAD: don’t let your thoughts wander away from you into a negative story. If you make a mistake, spend that time thinking about...

"If every time a child comes up with an opinion he is squelched and put in his place, he learns that it is 'right' for him to be a nobody, and 'wrong' to be a somebody." Maltz

Many parents, teachers, and coaches understand this idea and try to encourage children whenever they can. Great leaders also use this principle with adults.

What if you replaced the word ‘child’ in this quote with the spouse? Co-worker? Team member? Employee?

This week I talked to several coaching clients and they all referenced really bad meetings. One of them told a story about the leader who discounted everyone’s idea at the table because it wasn’t his. Have you ever experienced that? Or perhaps you’re having a conversation with someone on social media or a friend over coffee. It doesn’t feel good to have your idea invalidated, does it?

How you handle someone else’s opinion or idea goes a long way toward successful leadership and it is imperative to get the results...